Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween


Emma was a monkey, but picked up on Dylan growling all the time. She ended up being a growling monkey.


Dylan was Incredible Hulk, and loved it. He wore his costume everyday for a week.


Dawson was a Ninja, mostly because he wanted a sword. At the bus stop, some of the older boys told him that the part of his costume that hung between his legs, was a "wiener protector."



Heading out to trunk r' treat.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Room Mutha

Having my first child in elementary school, I was naive and a little overwhelmed, when at Back To School Night, they shoved a million permission slips in my face. I just kept signing my name, so that my Kindergarten Baby could participate in whatever activity they were thrusting at us. In my haste, I was not perfectly clear on the Room Mother volunteers, so I checked the box, saying I would help. My version of help, would be sending a store-bought treat to school with my little man.

At Parent Teacher Conference last month, after a glowing report, his teacher, announced that I had been assigned the Halloween Party. Apparently, when I got the invitation to the "PTA Room Mother Tea," instead of laughing hysterically, I should have dressed in my best biker skank outfit and raised my pinkie with the other Room Mothers.

Today was the dreaded party. I almost threw up on the way to the school, but luckily, my awesome sister came up to help me, and she was very soothing. I had been stressing over whether to dress up or not, but after perusing my closet, Naughty Nurse, Naughty Highway Patrol, ect. I decided not to. I called two other mothers that I didn't know, to help with the party, and they of course showed up in costume. I didn't feel to bad though, because they blended in with the 10 other witch costumes.

The whole party was worth the stress when I walked into the classroom and saw Dawson light up. He kept saying, "That's my mom! That's my ShannaHannah!" I was glad to have him so proud of me. We spent the morning reading Halloween stories, doing crafts, playing games, and eating treats. He told me over and over what a sweet party I had thrown, and how much he loves me, and that is why I am proud to be a Room Mutha.

Monday, October 20, 2008





The boys love to scare me. At any given time, they will be hiding in my closet, or under the bed, anywhere they can jump out and scare me. Dylan especially likes to see me jump, and puts a little extra effort into it, by wearing his Mexican wrestling mask and Darth Vader costume. Lately, they have been setting traps for me as well. Sometimes I will come out of the bathroom and they have piled clothes, or blankets up at the door so that I will trip, or strategically placed toys around for me to step on.
Today, I could hear them giggling as I came out of my room, so I stepped over the blanket they had wadded up by my door, and laughing over my shoulder, I said, "You didn't get me that time, suckas!" I barely turned the corner, when I tripped over about 10 toy bins that they had stacked as a second trap. I could hear the little twerps laughing hysterically and slapping high fives, while I lay on the floor, nursing my wounds.
Tonight, we carved some pumpkins, and had a great time, but both boys know that I will get them back. I am just biding my time.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

After a particularly harrowing bedtime rountine, Thursday night, Dave and I were laying in bed, contemplating our parenting skills. My throat was a little scratchy from yelling, and we were both feeling a little post-general conference guilt, when Dave said he was going to set a goal, not to yell at the kids for 1 week. Despite the pain in my throat, I still managed to laugh out loud. I said, I would be happy to join him in making a goal, but I wasn't about to set myself up for failure. After a little discussion, we settled on 2 days. Dave sweetened the pot, by throwing in dinner, at Don Pedros on Saturday night if we suceeded. I guess some people are motivated by just doing the right thing, we are motivated by nachos.
Friday morning, I awoke refreshed and ready for the challenge. I explained to the boys, that I wouldn't be yelling at them for a couple of days, and when Dawson asked what a goal was, I gave him a short little inservice, and advised that he might want to set a goal himself.
We met Hannah and her little charges for a playdate later that morning, and at one point I had to get after Dawson for something. When I started to talk to him, he said, "Mom, remember your goals." I had to explain to him that not yelling, is not the same as no consequences. I made it through the whole day Friday without yelling and Dave did well after he got home from work.
Saturday morning, we awoke to a blanket of snow, and two wound-up boys. Dave spent the first part of the day hunting, and by the time he got home, Dawson couldn't wait to meet him at the door, to report that I had not met my goal.
I got my nachos anyway, and now we are just taking it a day at a time.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Long Arm of the Law

I am super pissed this morning. I can throw a rock and hit my babysitter's house, but I can't get there without getting a friggin' speeding ticket. Just last week I resolved a warrant for my arrest from a previous speeding ticket that I forgot to pay, and wouldn't you know it the same damn cop was sitting around the corner this morning. She was outside, leaned into the window of another damn cop, and I swear the second she saw my car, she turned around and started the most awkward, slow motion, hobble run to her car. They look so ridiculous when they run in all their gear. Seriously, I doubt that she needs her Kevlar vest, and steel-tipped boots, to run a speed trap on Main Street, Oakley. She made it to her car about the time I passed her. I figured I had three options, run her over, which would be bad, a high speed chase, (too many kids in the car,) or pull over. I pulled over immediately after she turned on her lights, but just for good measure, she flipped on her siren a couple of times. I was pretty pissed by the time she got to my window, but I kept my cool pretty well. She said that I was speeding through "town," which I think is a bit of a stretch, since apparently a double wide trailer on either side of the street, constitutes a "town." I handed over my information, a little relived that I finally got that warrant taken care of, so that she didn't put me up on the hood of the car, and pat me down in my scrubs, for my little hoodlums to see. As she was walking back to her car, Dawson starts in on me. "Ah freak, we got caught by the cops again." In reality, he has only been in the car with me once before, when I have been pulled over, but he talks as if it happens everyday.
The copper keeps us waiting forever, and Dawson will not leave me alone. "Mom you just have to look at the numbers on the sign, and then that's how fast you go. You need to slow your butt down, like Dad says. I sure hope I am not late for school. Blah, Blah...."
I don't necessarily want to sour my children on the Long Arm of the Law, so I let my anger play out in the form of a day dream in which I take the stinking ticket and hold it high in the air, as the little copper tries to jump in all her gear and grab it from me. Eventually, she gets mad and breaks out the bean bag gun, which I wrestle away from her, and have my way.
Instead I take the ticket, and wish her a happy rest of the day, while my middle finger twitches restlessly. I drop the kids' off at Brittany's, where Dawson is already talking a blue streak about his law breaking mother, it's no wonder his Kindergarten teacher wouldn't make eye contact at Parent Teacher Conference.
Obviously, deep down, I am aware that my anger at the fuzz, is actually just misplaced anger at myself, for not being able to follow rules. At this point in my life, I chose to not be self-enlightened, and this Christmas, I am going to ask Santa for a bean bag gun. I'll probably need one when they make me go to Defensive Driving School.