Mama Is Off the Sauce

It is official. I am off the sauce. Much like the my patients who "quit smoking, " although their last cigarette was 2 hours ago, I have stopped doing Coke, with my last hit being almost 12 hours behind me. I went out with a bang, and had a 44 ouncer made to my usual specifications, 68% ice, followed by a 4" to 1" ratio of Diet to Cherry Coke layered and swirled, to mix the flavors just so. It was delicious, and it burned so good. I am not sure how something that feels so right could be so wrong, but it is for me.

My new found sobriety is not based on health concerns, which will not shock anyone that knows me, (I haven't given up frosting, for hell's sakes.) It stems from an ugly incident at work that has caused me much shame.

A couple of day's ago, I commuted to work with my g.f. Amberly. She was running late, as she does everyday and in our hurry to be on time I bypassed my morning Chevron stop. I worked straight through lunch, and 11 and a half hours later, I was slumped over my stool, staring at the clock and mumbling every naughty swear I could think of. Unfortunately for him, I was approached by a Resident with a simple request.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. This is how it went down.

*Tijay(haha, rhymes with his real name.) "The lady in 8 just needs a juice."

Me: *%$#^, &*& *(^$%$$%^$%###!!! And, &^^%&*@!#@! Then &*^%$#!!

*Tijay: Uhhh......just juice

Me: What about THIS girl's needs, *Tijay? Why doesn't anyone ever think about what THIS girl needs? Maybe THIS girl needs a juice, maybe she needs a juice real bad, one with carbonation, caffiene, and Carmel #5.

*Tijay:Uhhh....

Me: *sniff*sniff*sniff* "You don't know me." Then, there were actual tears.

The lady in room 8 didn't get her juice, and I finished out the last 15 minutes of my shift watching the clock through my tears and avoiding eye contact with anyone. I think it qualifies as "rock bottom" when you start referring to yourself in third person. Poor Elmo was banished from my house indefinitely for the same offense, so I figure it is time to take control of the situation.

My plan is to replace the same amount of Diet Coke with water. I hate water. I was lamenting my distaste of the nasty stuff to my co-worker, when she suggested that I add Crystal Light. Blech! That is like when you spritz perfume over a fart. It still smells like fart, with a hint of something you used to like. No bueno. I am not drinking fart water. She also suggested juice, but I can't afford to drink my calories. I need to save them for nachos. It might be ugly for a couple of days, especially for a girl who was weaned from the teet to the 2 liter,(not blaming, just saying) but I know I can do it.