Tennis season has officially arrived at 6500 feet! I love tennis, although I am not great at it, or even mediocre. Dave thinks he is Andre Agassi, and does not like to play with me. I don't blame him though, I am a button-pusher by nature and the first time he rolls his eyes as my ball goes sailing out of the fence, my only goal is to annoy him.

Today, I dug through our miscellaneous sports closet, found my racket, and knocked the dust off it. (ha ha) I had a tennis date with my friend Shanna, who didn't pout or roll her eyes even one time, and wouldn't you know it, I kept the ball in the court the whole time.

On the way to the tennis court, I realized I had not brought any balls, so I stopped at the hardware store. The line was ferocious, and I waited nervously, hoping the PoPo would not find my little hoodlums left in the car. When it was finally my turn to pay, this is how it went down at the check stand,

Checker: "Hey, you doin' a little flame throwing?"

Me: "Pardon me?"

Checker: "How's the flame throwing going?" ( He starts swinging his arms and pumping his hips)

Me: "Um...I am not sure what you are talking about."

I think the eight people behind me were a little confused as well, and getting irritated.

Checker: "What are you doing with the tennis balls."

Me: "Um. Playing tennis?"

Checker: "Oh, really? You look just like the girl that does the flame throwing, and she practices with tennis balls."

Me: "Nope sorry, just boring ole' tennis."

I signed my credit card slip and put my phone number on the bottom. I told him that if that girl comes back into the store and gives flame throwing lessons, to give her my number. That would totally come in handy at ward parties. Plus, I think after you have completed your community service, they can no longer ban you from fire. Is that how you understood it, Mom?

Anyway, we got a good hour of tennis in under a beautiful sky. Then without any warning, the wind started really blowing, so Shanna and I rounded up our kids and made a run for the cars. Emma and the Boys, were way across the field when the wind started, so Emma was fairly traumatized by the time I got to her. While I was getting them buckled in, the rain started pouring down.

Once we were safely in, Dawson said to me, "Mom, when I saw the dark clouds, my first thought was, I must gather the children, and get them to safety." I couldn't stop laughing. He is way to mature for 6 years old. What a funny kid.

Dylan's Graduation

Tonight we went to Dylie's Preschool Graduation. Dylan is a very special kid. He makes me laugh everyday, and he is really fun to be around.He has a pretty advanced sense of humor, and he is way to smart for his own good. He looks more like Dave with his big brown eyes, and tall and lanky body, but if you have been around Dylan for any amount of time, you will see that he is undeniably mine too.

They had the preschoolers' march into the Cattleman's Hall to the country song, Let Them Be Little. I hate country music because the songs are so dang sad. I was bawling up a storm, and feeling like a fool, watching him walk down the rows. Dylan is incredibly independent. He does, what he wants, when he wants, and to my chagrin, he doesn't really care what you threaten him with. Hurry, is not in his vocabulary, and I couldn't help but smile, watching him mosey down the aisle 10 feet behind the last kid.

Dylan told me after the rehearsal, that he was only going to say his parent's names and not do his nursery rhyme. I argued and pleaded and threatened and then gave up on trying to talk him into it. When it was his turn, he wandered up to the microphone and introduced himself, and us, and then gave me a little shrug and spit out Baa Baa Black Sheep, like it was in the plan all along. I know he does things just to watch me freak out, the little turkey.

After, everyone got their diplomas, I tried to get him to smile for one nice picture.....


Smile Please


Seriously??


Just one stinking smile.


Don't make me beat you in public!


Finally! Thanks, that was easy! His allergies, are probably not making him any more pleasant.

The Results Are In

I had a lovely Mutha's Day. I pretty much milk everything I can from Mother's Day, so it ends up lasting about 1 week instead of just the usual 12 hour Sunday celebration. I can make it last even longer if I play the martyr, and spend the day at my in-laws, which I did, AND I didn't cause any problems. That 4 hours I spent on my special day, will play out in special favors and at least 2 trips to Don Pedros this week. Holla!

My favorite part of Mother's Day, is when the kids start bringing the homemade stuff home from school and church. The kids did a little survey of how much they know about their moms and it was right on...almost.

1st Question: How old is your mom?

Dawson: 30 (Ding, ding, that is correct!)
Dylan: 75

What is her favorite color?

Dawson: Pink
Dylan: Pink (good enough)

What is her favorite food?

Dawson: NACHOS!
Dylan: Grapes (At least he thinks I enjoy fruits and vegetables, and doesn't know I only cram them down my gullet to be a good example.)

What is her favorite song?

Dawson: I Have A Family Here On Earth
Dylan: Jingle Bells (Good choice for both, but I can't believe they missed Heartless, by Kanye, since Dawson keeps asking me, "Why you got to be so Dr. Evil?")

What is her favorite thing to do?

Dawson: Cook (Um, see the last question.)
Dylan: Watch her children play. (Aawwww)

Where is her favorite place to go?

Dawson: DON PEDROS!
Dylan: DON PEDROS! (They do know me!)

It is a good thing Mother's Day is tomorrow. Today I loaded up all the chitlins for an exciting day of shopping in Salt Lake. All week long, I have been buttering the boys up, by letting them have friends, making tacos twice, and extending Wii time for a bit, all in hopes of having a non-homicidal Costco trip today. It is too much to ask, I know, and if we weren't using our kitchen towels as diapers, I totally would have put it off longer.

The ride to Salt Lake was not painful. We were laughing and talking, no one was touching anyone, or being obnoxious, and I had this thought that maybe we could make a quick trip to the Quilted Bear. I have no decorating sense, and my house just seems bare and empty, so I was hoping for something to just jump out at me. No such luck, the only thing to jump out at me was Dylan, from under a display table which almost toppled over. So, after rather unpleasant altercation with another shopper, and about 7 minutes, we were back in the truck and headed to Costco.

I should have known it would be a nightmare, on the day before Mother's Day, but we needed pull-ups and flowers. In the first 3 minutes, Dawson had reached the limit for the amount of times I will say, "Don't touch your brother." which is approximately 5 times. He ended up walking along side the cart and whining until we came into view of the sample tables. This quite possibly saved his poor little life, as he was able to keep busy getting samples for everyone.

After Costco, I called my Gram and told her to think about where she wanted to go dinner for M. Day. Without hesitating, she told me Canton City was her choice. I could feel the last real hope of a Mother's Day celebration fading. I am a Chinese food snob. I really only like Szechwan in P.C. and I wouldn't have made my Gram go to Don Pedro's, but nasty Canton City? I called Dave, and asked him if he wanted the bad news, or the worse news first, and then I informed him that I was leaving all the children in Pioneer Park for the weekend, AND we had to go to Canton City for dinner. He was bummed.

I was able to find a babysitter, so I ended up bringing the chitlin's home with me. After tossing our cell phone numbers at her, we sprinted for the car, before she could change her mind. When we got to Gram's, I curled her hair and we gossiped about who had died, and the latest shenanigans going down at the Senior's center. Dave ran up to the cemetery to put some flowers on his Mother's grave, and made it back just as we were finishing.

To my great surprise, we had a delicious dinner at Canton City. It was great to spend some time with my Gram, she really means a lot to me. The night was pretty much awesome, and then the fortune cookies came. I cracked my cookie and then stuffed it in my mouth while I read the fortune, 'You must put more effort into your exercise routine' Oh, Hay-ell No! Dave laughed as he read his, 'Be kind to yourself, eat dessert 3 times a week.' I know ours were totally mixed up, all the same I did my usual routine after we have a huge dinner. I made Dave take a picture of me taking a big bite, and then I texted it to Shauna (my exercise coach). Even the Chinese are on her side.

When we got home, the kids were ready for bed, and they were so sweet and clean, and tired, and I was so glad I didn't leave them in the park.

Time Saving Kitchen Tip #71

It may seem like a good idea to put your refried beans in a sandwich baggie and just snip the tip. You know, for equal distribution and professional looking nachos. It also might ruin your dinner. Nachos anyone?

"Break the wrist, walk away."

This morning I rolled out of bed totally pumped for another mandatory class at the hospital, especially one as fun as CPI. It is a good thing I only work 2 shifts a week, since it feels like full time with all the extra classes and certifications, and "projects" and committees we are expected to do.

CPI is Crisis....Prevention....Institute, maybe? In short it is a class where we learn how to escape from psychotic patients that might have us in a choke hold, head lock, or my personal favorite, the "biters." It is like self-defense where you don't retaliate or harm the patient while getting away.

I called my mom on the way down the hill, and when I explained the class I was going to, she said, "Are you the only one that has to take it?" Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mother, but it is even mandatory for my sweet co-workers, who don't enjoy a good fist fight.

My friend Nikki, that was teaching had a family emergency, so we got the Reader's Digest version, which was okay with me. After practicing some moves that made me feel more like I was trying out for the drill team, I was able to break out of a 1 AND 2 handed hair pull, strangulation, a forearm bite, and some other attacks. Nikki reminded us constantly that our license was at stake, if we retaliate. Seriously, I dare my next tweeker to bite me, or anyone for that matter, and see how calm I am when I am holding their eyeballs.

Class got out almost 4 hours early and the kids were super stoked to see me. After naps, Dawson was quizzing me on what I had learned today, and since he is having a problem with a biter at the bus stop, I thought I would pass on my knowledge. I got down on my knees and told him to punch me. He looked at Dave, and Dave just rolled his eyes, so Daws turned around and punched me right in the shoulder. It stung pretty good. I said, "No hit me with your other hand, and do it SLOW!" He punched me again with the other hand, much slower and I still didn't block it. Then he said, "When do we get to the biting part."

I feel totally ripped off. All those skills I learned, and I can't even block a 5-year-olds punch that I am anticipating?! I can't wait until my next meth freak comes off the gurney at me. I will totally school them, or at least practice for awhile and then ask Dawson for a re-match.

What Can't You Compare To A Short Bus?

This morning, I vacuumed my house! Yay! The Kirby Vacuum people stopped by my house for a demonstration a couple weeks ago, (Dave let them in, and I kicked them out) and vacuumed, AND shampooed my great room and stairs. I have let it go since then, secretly hoping they were still in the area and could demonstrate their super vacuum in my bedrooms as well. No such luck, and as Dave tells it, he doubts they would show their faces around here again, after I kindly asked them to get the hell out.

I promised the kids a picnic at the park, and since Dave was around, he was able to meet us for lunch. It is always nice to snuggle him in the middle of the day, and we had a great time watching the kids entertain themselves at the park. I must say it is so nice not to have baby babies anymore.

After lunch, I MapQuested us some directions for the Dinosaur Park in Ogden. I had to take Dawson out of school 20 minutes early, which I have done a couple of times this spring when I get the warm weather bug. He was irritated, but got over it pretty quickly when I told him where we were going.

I told the boys that it didn't look to far away, probably an hour, just outside the mouth of the canyon. By the time we were passing McKay Dee, and Weber State, Dawson piped up in the back, "APPARENTLY, not just outside the canyon." I told him that little boys should not say, apparently, and then I felt reassured about taking him out of school. If he can use apparently, correctly in a sentence, it should be okay if he misses the last few minutes of Kindergarten.

The Dinosaur Park was really fun. I ended up buying a season pass, so we could go back. My favorite part was the animated screens that show each dinosaur next to a short bus, to give you a size comparison. It probably says a lot about my maturity level, that I even think that is funny. Nicole, thought it was equally hysterical, and raised the ante by taking a picture of the huge piece of petrified dinosaur crap......Some people, sheesh!

We played for a couple of hours, and the kids were sad to go. We made it home just in time for me to drop the ornery little guys off to Dave, and pick up Brittany for a little dinner date at Baja. I am so glad to have a friend that I can go to dinner with, and even though she just lives up the street, the waitress still has to come back 3 or 4 times to see if we have even picked up our menus. We laughed and ate, my two favorite things. Today was a great day.