My Special Valentine

We had a very kid friendly "Valetimes" weekend. We love their little guts, so on Saturday, we took them for a day in the city. Our first stop was to Cottonwood High School, to watch my niece, McKay, play some B-Ball.


The first 6 minutes were great! 10 energetic, and smiley 12 year old girls, running up and down the court just happy to be there. My niece is a killer athlete, so it is always more fun to watch, and since I am such a good sport, I cheered for the sucky girls too. Then the coaches from the opposite team started harassing the poor referees.


You know what they say about guys that drive flashy cars and compensation; I am pretty sure that goes for referees as well. The two refs for the game, that I will hereto for refer to as, Baldy and Red, were of no exception. I could easily tell that the highlight of their week came on Saturday afternoon, when they got to be mostly in charge of tween girls........ Awesome.


Anywho, Baldy and Red started talking back to the coaches, their lips curling into vengeant smirks, when all of a sudden, Red rips off a technical foul on the opposing team's coach. The coach sputtered and Baldy and Red let loose on the whole bench. In that instant, I had a vision of myself when I am trying to get control of one of the Hoodlums. In a span of ninety seconds, I have banned them for life from their bikes, the Wii, candy, reading, playing outside, using utensils for meals, and breathing, and when I am out of breath from all the privileges I have revoked, I realize I have left little room for backtracking, and I look ridiculous. How could I possibly invoke a lifetime sentence of not breathing?


That is exactly where poor B & R found themselves. I haven't seen someone blow their whistle and threaten, and blow steam from their ears, since I was 12, living at home, and "borrowing" the car. Except I don't remember the threats, just the whistle and the steamy ears. In the midst of their tirade, it was probably in poor judgement for the offending coach to say, "Let's take it outside." Lucky for Baldy and Red, they were wearing dark pants, and I don't really blame them. The coach closely resembled O.J. Simps, but even if he was more Urkle, in a state this white, it is really a fear of the unknown. At that point, they called the cops, because the Refs felt like they had been "physically threatened" and wanted to clear the gym.

It was really a sight. Two full teams of tweener girls hysterically crying, uproar from both crowds, Baldy and Red in the fetal position, rocking back and forth and tweeting their whistles, and us trying to use the situation as a teaching moment on sportsmanship for the Hoodlums, while intermittently hollering out one liners at the Refs. Luckily, everyone simmered down and vacated the premises without tear gas.



The Hoodlums decided they wanted shrimp for Valentines. We headed to Sizzler, and at 4:00 in the afternoon, it was a sea of white. It felt like we were crashing a Valentines party at the old folks home. We were definitely the youngest people in there by 60 years, which made it easier to throw elbows at the salad bar (more lessons on sportsmanship), but more difficult to navigate the walkers and canes, back to our table. I think that the older you get, the easier you are to impress, because two different couples commented on how well behaved the Hoodlums were. Dave really left an impression on the one couple, when he replied, "We threaten their lives before we come in." He thought it was funny. They took down our license plate number.


We chose Sizzler because the Boyz can eat their weight in shrimp, but when it came down to it, Dylan ate half a cantaloupe, a plate of watermelon, canned peaches, mandarin oranges, grapes, and a sundae that was one part ice cream, ten parts gummy bears. Dawson held the door open for a couple on the way out and they made a big deal out of it. What they don't know, is that he could care less about being polite. His whole motive is to get there before Dyl, in their ongoing battle for who's turn it is to hold the door open. When the couple sang his praises, I just smiled and took the credit for excellence in parenting, and spared them his ulterior motive.


We finished off the evening at the movies, where the Boyz lost their choice, to Emma's pick of The Princess and the Frog. It was the same as every other Disney/Pixar movie out there, but the Hoodlums loved it and went to bed smiling. I am glad to still be their Valentime, and according to the Valentines stuffed under my pillow the other night, Dylan "loves me more than the whole world would explode." Dawson loves me a bunch of dinosaurs, and Emma cared enough to scribble some loves for me in her "fav-rit pinkanpupple."