So.....A Funny Story

Although Daveskins and I have a very similar taste in humor, sometimes the humor is lost in the delivery. Yesterday, the aforementioned husband came home from work with a doozy.

"Oh, funny story. Today I was working in a panel, and before I knew it a big zip of electricity went through my hand and out my finger (holds up hand for me to inspect, cue big smile and chuckle)."

I am paraphrasing the electricity part, Dave didn't actually call it a "big zip" but I am not quite certain of the proper terminology for electrical jargon.

"O..M..G.. That is one hilarious story. You know what is even hysterical-er? I see those burns on people at work sometimes, and they are (pause for dramatic effect), DEAD. Forgive my splitting sides, I just love your tales of whimsy."

Dave and I share a same genetic malformation in the way we communicate. We are both fluently sarcastic, and although that doesn't work in some relationships, we do just fine. We laid the ground rules for our, 'How was your day at work?' conversations long ago. When we pop the question each night it means for me, How was your day/I don't want to know if you were teetering on an 18 foot ladder, or your wedding band conducted an arc so impressive it destroyed power to a whole town. For Dave it means, don't tell me if you've seen anyone's junk, any story involving bodily fluids, and any descriptions of things that may, or may not make me vomit.....but probably will.

Sometimes, we forget the rules.

It's not that I don't know that Dave does dangerous things. I still vacation and live with him, and when we got our trampoline, I did have to go out and explain to him that 32 year old men with families, don't perfect their back flips, especially when the one I saw, looked like a bad set-up for America's Funniest Home Videos. He was reluctant to give it up until I told him in my sweetest voice that it was up to him, but he should know that the second he is a quadriplegic, I will select a nice, yet affordable care center for him, and pick out a new, walking Daddy for the Hoodlums.

Hence, this afternoon I was on the phone looking for extra life insurance. We have some life insurance, but the policies are a couple years, and a couple less babies, old. I did not know that in order to sell life insurance, your sense of humor must be completely removed. I quickly learned that once I explained the joke, and James, (Life Insurer to the Stars) still didn't laugh, that death is not an appropriate punch line for everyone. He gave me depressing examples of "friends" and "neighbors" who left their loved ones without any insurance, *sigh*.

I was tempted to whip out a, "No shit, Jim, can I call you Jim? I am no stranger to unexpected deaths, but you don't gotta be all doom and gloom, I called you!" Instead I ohhed and bummer-ed my way through his stories, and left him with a " Well that certainly gives me a lot to think about then, I'll be in touch."

On our way to Don Pedro's tonight (for my Tour of Mexico, make-up) Dave and I had the start of a serious conversation. I reported that James, (Life Insurer to the Stars) had indicated that to remain a kept woman, after Dave's demise, that we would need a 1.5 million policy. I couldn't help smiling after revealing the number, which made Daveskins fidget nervously. "Why are you smiling? What are you thinking about? Are you already spending that money! That is nothing in this economy, you need my steady paycheck.......... and my love."

I told him to just keep talking.......

Eventually, by the time we met some family members at D.P.'s, we had the logistics worked out. I will get the life insurance, and will stay in our current house, unless he is murdered, then I will pick a new location that doesn't smell of crime scene. I will not remarry, but take random lovers in expensive hotels as needed. He will not remarry under any circumstances, should I die first, and will spend his days with the children, and his nights sniffing my clothes in longing for me, and reminiscing about all the love I gave him. He is also allotted random lovers, but in cheap motels.

Of course I know this is a serious subject....... That is why I upped our insurance.