Half Marathon Training Update

I ran for the second time on Saturday, since receiving the, 'Watch of All Running Watches. My training schedule recommends running 3-4 times per week, but it doesn't really take into account a 3 year old daughter, and living in the Arctic. Yes, those are the excuses I am going to use. Emma, and her training wheels are not able to keep up with my wicked fast times, and certainly I should not chance hurting myself, by running in the snow. Besides, the race isn't until August.

Saturday morning, I moistened my chest strap, squeezed into my running tights, hoisted my watch/time machine onto my wrist, and made a big deal of wandering around the house repeating loudly how I was just about to "go for a run." Eventually Dawson said, "So go already." And Dave gave me that blink, blink, smirky-ass blink, when I casually mentioned to him, in my best 'Old Western' voice, that I would prolly just try and get in like 3 or so miles.......

Dawson refused to join in the fun with me, so I cued up my Ipod, gave the Boys a nod, and bounced down the driveway and out into the fields, with only The Notorious B.I.G for company. The sun was shining, the birds chirping, my ponytail swinging, it was beautiful. Almost instantly, my watch started alerting me that my heart rate was in the third zone, whatever the crap that means. I can't figure out how to un-program my time machine not to alert if my pulse goes above 100. Really any movement causes my pulse to rise, but the constant beeping really gets me T.O'd.

It wasn't long, maybe a tenth of a mile from home, when my pelvis started making some freaky noises. Thursday, at volleyball I suffered from an unintentional, and extremely unflattering bout of the Chinese Splits. I leaned forward for the ball, lost traction and before I knew it, both feet were flying fast and furious in opposite directions. Soon enough though, my pelvis brought them to a halt, as it bounced off the floor, and thrust me forward onto my face. Besides my dignity, and some bruising to my pubic bone, I thought I had escaped the incident unscathed. Apparently not, but the noises subsided as the alerts from my watch, and the volume of Lil Biggie Smalls increased.

By about seven tenths of a mile, I was a Sweaty Mutha, and every fifth step or so, I would burp up a bit a sausage patty, or piece of french toast, which would remind me it's not a great idea to indulge in a large weekend brunch before a "big run." I pushed past it though, and made myself sprint the last tiny way to a mile, and then nearly collapsed on the fence post.

Whew! I heaved the watch into view, and...get ready for it- my mile time was 12:48. Shizz. I looked up from the watch, and straight into the face of a cow. "Moo." I was bummed. I couldn't help thinking the only thing separating myself from the lazy Heifer was that she was currently lactating, and I can only use the, 'I just had a baby.' excuse around people that don't know my "baby".

I walked most of the way back home. My calves hurt like a sonnabitch, the birds were annoying the hell out of me, and I was so looking forward to reporting my sweet time to Daveskins. The final blow came when I limped onto the driveway and stopped my watch. I think I set a new personal record. For a distance of two miles, my time was 25 minutes. That time is lame in and of itself, but when I remembered that my first mile was running, and I did it in 12:48, that means I ran a mile equally as fast as I walked/limped a mile back home. Super.

At work yesterday, I gave the update to Abbie, who instantly praised my efforts, clapped me on the back, and told me how incredible I was. I love Abbie. She makes me feel like Marion Jones, (pre-doping allegations). I know in my heart she is just one of those people who, to borrow a phrase from one of my fav reality stars, "probably shits rainbows", but she does it so personally, that I totally buy it.

So with my pep talk from Abbie, my super awesome watch on the charger, a Costco bottle of Ibuprofen, and nothing but miles of cows to run in front of, I am ready for my next run.

I'm thinking sometime next week.......