Lake Church, is the Best Church.

Sunday morning we woke up and got everything unpacked and ready for a rockin' week. Amber and I took the kids' for a walk along the docks, while the men folk got the house boat in order. We passed a couple of people in suits and dresses, which I had never seen at the docks before. Dawson spent the morning saying how we really should have waited until after church to leave for Lake Powell, and how he was really going to miss going to Primary.

Eventually Dave and Kenny met up with us and we headed up to launch the ski boats. While we were waiting, a nicely dressed couple walked by us, and I inquired about there outfits. They said they were going to church in Ticaboo, about 5 miles away, and that it is only one hour long and everyone was welcome, no matter what they were wearing. OOOhhhhh.....

Dave came down and picked us up, and I mentioned that I had opened my big, fat, mouth, and there was an opportunity for us to go to church. After having a vision of my family dying in a fiery crash yesterday, I figured we ought to go. Everyone was really chomping to get on the lake, but Dave made an announcement to the boys, that we were headed to church instead for a few minutes. I started laughing so hard, when Dawson went into this weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, about how dumb church was. Dave and I kept reminding him about how disappointed he was this morning that his parents made him go to Lake Powell instead of church, and now they were just trying to make it right.

People were very friendly and didn't stare too much. I am thinking of transferring my records to the Ticaboo branch. I could totally get used to one hour church, where your boat is parked outside ready to hit the lake, and you don't even need to wear pantyhose. All I can say is, Amen! Can I get a hallelujah?

After church we hit the lake and found a sweet place to do some hiking, and lizard catching, and relaxing. The rest of the trip we were totally blessed with perfect skiing and boarding water. It was a great trip.

Lake Powell Day One

We love the time that we spend each year at Lake Powell. It's better than Disneyland for the hoodlums, and I would rather go to Powell than anywhere I have ever traveled before. The ride is long and filled with plenty 'are we there yets,' mostly from me, but I try to space out my inquiries, so as not to annoy anyone.

Saturday we left bright and early, hoping to be on the lake by noon. About 10:00 as we were rolling through Price, a man in a pick-up started waving frantically at us, and motioning for us to pull-over. I thought he wanted to beat Dave up for driving so slow, I know I did, but alas he was a good Samaritan trying to tell us we had been losing the bearings off the boat trailer for the last mile.

That of course means nothing to me, but apparently it is incredibly dangerous to drive with your back wheel about to fall off. Luckily we were at the exit to Price and we were able to drive the trailer to the local fix-it shop. The young guy at the shop studied the trailer carefully, nodding his head and grunting, then went and got another dude who came out and they grunted and shook their heads together. About 20 minutes into the whole deal, they had four or five gentlemen huddled around the trailer, nodding, grunting and shaking their heads at us. Dave and I made eye contact a few times, but I could see that he was not understanding much of it either. Eventually they told us to come back 5 or 6 hours later, bring 600 bucks and we would be on our way. Yay!

My BFF since 1st grade, Amber, lives in Price, and happened to be coming to Powell with us, so we hung out at her house and wasted some time at the local McDonald's play land. We went back after 5 hours, and they said come back in 2 hours. I almost lost it. We went back after 2 hours and drove away with the trailer. When it started smoking after 2 blocks, we went back and were there another hour and a half. I did lose it. There are really only so many knock-knock jokes I can take, that don't make any sense, and include the word fart, or some form of a farting noise. I had a little nervous breakdown in my pillow, which I feel is more appropriate than smothering someone with it.

Dawson needed to use the bathroom for the 17th time, and I refused to take him back to the Maverick, across the street where the employees were starting to get suspicious, so Dave took him to use the mechanics, Employee Only toilet. When he got in the car, Dawson said in his sweet little angel voice, "Mom, you have got to go in that bathroom. It is so clean and smells so good. You wouldn't even believe it." I told him that he was right, and I thought he was teasing me. He wouldn't let up though, and finally talked Hannah into using it. The look on her face when she stepped out of the bathroom was priceless. She was a little shell shocked when she got back in the car and just kept muttering to herself about taking a shower. Dawson thought it was pretty funny.

We eventually got on our way, and made it to Lake Powell about 10:30. We were pretty grateful to be making it at all, since we could have died in a fiery crash, and that would have sucked.

My Animals

I took Dyl to get his Kindergarten test this morning. He is super excited he passed. I wasn't worried for a minute, because he is such a smarty pants. When we got home, the kids and I went out to lounge on the tramp and chat. I worked the last 4 out of 5days, and needed some hoodlum time.

The kids showed me all their tricks on the tramp, which range from, a decent flip from the boys, to a "bum" from Ems. Then I made them sit, or rather cling from the edge, and watch my routine. I don't know why they aren't as impressed with my flips, obviously they know nothing about physics, or bladder control, after 4 pregnancies.

After awile they got tired of watching me jump so we decided to play a game. I would whisper the name of an animal in each kids ear, and then they would get up in front of us and act it out until we could guess which animal they were. Emma was first and I told her, "Cat." She meowed for an hour and a half straight, whether it was her turn or not. We played a couple of rounds and then I told the kids to pick their own animals, so that I could guess too. Dawson wanted to come up with some ground rules first, which is smart on his part, he has played games with me and Dyl before. The only rules were, it had to be an animal, and you had to say if it is alive today or lived in "olden days", seriously, I have no idea where he gets his terminology.

Dyl was up first, and he immediately started growling, and bucking around on the tramp, like he did for every animal, whether he chose a fish or a bird. Dawson and I spit out every animal that bucks, quite a few, when you live in our neck of the woods. Of course none of them were right, so we asked for a hint. "It starts with a Z." We finall came up with the right answer when Dyl, told us it rhymed with "seagull".....Of course, I can't imagine why we didn't get Zeagull right off the bat.

Dawson's turns took along time too, mostly because I haven't seen a lot of Animal Rescuer episodes, (Diego) it wasn't that he didn't act them out right. Dawson gave us plenty of hints, including habitat, diet, shelter, climate, first letter of the scientific genus and species, ect... I just didn't say, North American Snowy Owl, so he wouldn't give it too us.

When each kids turn was over they would come and dive bomb my lap, to snuggle me and watch the next animal. I love that, but it also made my legs a little numb for my turn. Each time I would roll a kid off me to head to the performing side of the tramp, both boys would holler, "GORILLA!" At first I would just say, "Nope. Try again." but then I asked them why they kept saying that. Dawson told me that I looked just like a Gorilla down on all fours with my hands balled up into fists. Dylan said, "It's pretty much, your face."

I told them, I wasn't going to play anymore if they kept calling me Gorilla, because it hurt my feelings. You know, a good play ground lesson. They promised they wouldn't say it anymore, and so I rolled onto all fours, to do my animal, and they both busted up laughing, then Dylan managed to squeak out, "GORILLA!" to which they both lost it, and laughed until they were teary.

I eventually got the last laugh, when I threatened them with the dreaded nap, if I heard the word Gorilla, one more time. My last turn, I did the best impression of a Gorilla, ever done in the history of the world. I gave them all the hints they needed, and enjoyed watching them squirm uncomfortably, thinking of any other animal that might like bananas, swing from trees, and rhyme with Horilla. Eventually, Dawson couldn't take it, and said Gorilla. Dylan quickly told him he shouldn't have said Gorilla, and then technically they both had said the word.

It is a lovely, lovely, quiet afternoon at my house today.

Dave and I lounged in bed this morning way longer than usual, despite the long list of things "to do." Unfortunately, we both had promised our services elsewhere for the morning. Dave had a date with a neighbor and a truck load of sod, and I, a previously scheduled engagement with Gram, 25 mums, and all the local cemeteries.

I am not a huge fan of Memorial Day, or cemeteries. For me, I remember my Gramps, everyday, but not because I look at his head stone. I remember the way he laughed and the way his hands looked and felt. I think of him every time I trip, which is a lot, because he used to make fun of me for it. I prefer to think of him as the warm, loving, person he was, and not reminisce about him over a cold slab of granite with his name on it. However, my Gram loves Memorial Day, and I love my Gram, so that is what I am going to do today.

Emma and I, hit the Chevron for my liquid courage, and a gummy hot dog for her. I don't know why she likes those things, they look disgusting, but I'm not one to judge. We got to my Gram's about 10:45, beautified her, and loaded up the water soaked mums. She had a little shopping for me to do, including, my favorite, Wal-greens, which she is still convinced is the Wal-Mart everyone was boycotting.

We hit the Midway cemetery, and she gave me general instructions on where to look for my great uncle and aunt. I wandered around, nervous, because I can never remember cemetery wandering etiquette, and where I should and should not walk. I finally found Uncle Grant and Aunt Edna, plopped down their mums, and high-stepped it back to the car.

The Heber cemetery held the brunt of our Mum recipients. It only took me a couple of hours of my Gram hollering directions from the car to deliver all the flowers. At last, I only had one mum left and I asked her which relative to leave it for. She told me to put it on Edna's grave. I reminded her that we already put one on Edna's grave in Midway. She said, "Of course you did!" she left off the, you moron part, but I understood what she meant. So, I said, "Who gets this last one?" and she came back with, "AUNT EDNA" emphasized nice and slow so I could understand. Instantly it hit me, that she hadn't been out of the car all day, so I plopped the mum down on Somebody Wooton, and said, "Oh, here it is, my bad." and we were done! I know that I covered Aunt Edna in Midway, and I didn't think the Wooton guy would mind an extra mum, so it's all good.

When she got out of the car at home, she turned around and said, "I saw you give that man the finger when he cut us off." I started to snicker, and then we both laughed when she shook her head and said, "Bastard." I guess she catches on to more things than I think. I am glad she loves me, because I would be lost without her.

This evening marked a very important right of passage into the summer months. On the way into town for dinner, Dyl spotted the bread truck. The Boys immediately started begging to get out with me. As I was about ready to pay, Dave rolled down his window and yelled, "Hey Lady, get your kids knuckles out of the dip!" I could have killed him. I looked over and sure enough, the Boys looked like a couple of wild animals frolicking in the Balsamic Vinegar. They had dip up to their elbows, and vinegar stained smiles. At least they got their fill on freebies at the bread stand, because when we got home, Dave and I looked like a couple of wild animals frolicking in the Balsamic Vinegar. It has been a long winter for everyone, and any taste of summer is very exciting.

This is totally the reason I suffer through the long, hellacious winter up here. Summer is awesome and healing.


My front yard. I am not just saying this, because I am not really a "people person", but cows and not a ton of humans, make sweet neighbors.


I hope the gas company didn't need all those marker flags, they collected.

Tennis season has officially arrived at 6500 feet! I love tennis, although I am not great at it, or even mediocre. Dave thinks he is Andre Agassi, and does not like to play with me. I don't blame him though, I am a button-pusher by nature and the first time he rolls his eyes as my ball goes sailing out of the fence, my only goal is to annoy him.

Today, I dug through our miscellaneous sports closet, found my racket, and knocked the dust off it. (ha ha) I had a tennis date with my friend Shanna, who didn't pout or roll her eyes even one time, and wouldn't you know it, I kept the ball in the court the whole time.

On the way to the tennis court, I realized I had not brought any balls, so I stopped at the hardware store. The line was ferocious, and I waited nervously, hoping the PoPo would not find my little hoodlums left in the car. When it was finally my turn to pay, this is how it went down at the check stand,

Checker: "Hey, you doin' a little flame throwing?"

Me: "Pardon me?"

Checker: "How's the flame throwing going?" ( He starts swinging his arms and pumping his hips)

Me: "Um...I am not sure what you are talking about."

I think the eight people behind me were a little confused as well, and getting irritated.

Checker: "What are you doing with the tennis balls."

Me: "Um. Playing tennis?"

Checker: "Oh, really? You look just like the girl that does the flame throwing, and she practices with tennis balls."

Me: "Nope sorry, just boring ole' tennis."

I signed my credit card slip and put my phone number on the bottom. I told him that if that girl comes back into the store and gives flame throwing lessons, to give her my number. That would totally come in handy at ward parties. Plus, I think after you have completed your community service, they can no longer ban you from fire. Is that how you understood it, Mom?

Anyway, we got a good hour of tennis in under a beautiful sky. Then without any warning, the wind started really blowing, so Shanna and I rounded up our kids and made a run for the cars. Emma and the Boys, were way across the field when the wind started, so Emma was fairly traumatized by the time I got to her. While I was getting them buckled in, the rain started pouring down.

Once we were safely in, Dawson said to me, "Mom, when I saw the dark clouds, my first thought was, I must gather the children, and get them to safety." I couldn't stop laughing. He is way to mature for 6 years old. What a funny kid.

Dylan's Graduation

Tonight we went to Dylie's Preschool Graduation. Dylan is a very special kid. He makes me laugh everyday, and he is really fun to be around.He has a pretty advanced sense of humor, and he is way to smart for his own good. He looks more like Dave with his big brown eyes, and tall and lanky body, but if you have been around Dylan for any amount of time, you will see that he is undeniably mine too.

They had the preschoolers' march into the Cattleman's Hall to the country song, Let Them Be Little. I hate country music because the songs are so dang sad. I was bawling up a storm, and feeling like a fool, watching him walk down the rows. Dylan is incredibly independent. He does, what he wants, when he wants, and to my chagrin, he doesn't really care what you threaten him with. Hurry, is not in his vocabulary, and I couldn't help but smile, watching him mosey down the aisle 10 feet behind the last kid.

Dylan told me after the rehearsal, that he was only going to say his parent's names and not do his nursery rhyme. I argued and pleaded and threatened and then gave up on trying to talk him into it. When it was his turn, he wandered up to the microphone and introduced himself, and us, and then gave me a little shrug and spit out Baa Baa Black Sheep, like it was in the plan all along. I know he does things just to watch me freak out, the little turkey.

After, everyone got their diplomas, I tried to get him to smile for one nice picture.....


Smile Please


Seriously??


Just one stinking smile.


Don't make me beat you in public!


Finally! Thanks, that was easy! His allergies, are probably not making him any more pleasant.

The Results Are In

I had a lovely Mutha's Day. I pretty much milk everything I can from Mother's Day, so it ends up lasting about 1 week instead of just the usual 12 hour Sunday celebration. I can make it last even longer if I play the martyr, and spend the day at my in-laws, which I did, AND I didn't cause any problems. That 4 hours I spent on my special day, will play out in special favors and at least 2 trips to Don Pedros this week. Holla!

My favorite part of Mother's Day, is when the kids start bringing the homemade stuff home from school and church. The kids did a little survey of how much they know about their moms and it was right on...almost.

1st Question: How old is your mom?

Dawson: 30 (Ding, ding, that is correct!)
Dylan: 75

What is her favorite color?

Dawson: Pink
Dylan: Pink (good enough)

What is her favorite food?

Dawson: NACHOS!
Dylan: Grapes (At least he thinks I enjoy fruits and vegetables, and doesn't know I only cram them down my gullet to be a good example.)

What is her favorite song?

Dawson: I Have A Family Here On Earth
Dylan: Jingle Bells (Good choice for both, but I can't believe they missed Heartless, by Kanye, since Dawson keeps asking me, "Why you got to be so Dr. Evil?")

What is her favorite thing to do?

Dawson: Cook (Um, see the last question.)
Dylan: Watch her children play. (Aawwww)

Where is her favorite place to go?

Dawson: DON PEDROS!
Dylan: DON PEDROS! (They do know me!)

It is a good thing Mother's Day is tomorrow. Today I loaded up all the chitlins for an exciting day of shopping in Salt Lake. All week long, I have been buttering the boys up, by letting them have friends, making tacos twice, and extending Wii time for a bit, all in hopes of having a non-homicidal Costco trip today. It is too much to ask, I know, and if we weren't using our kitchen towels as diapers, I totally would have put it off longer.

The ride to Salt Lake was not painful. We were laughing and talking, no one was touching anyone, or being obnoxious, and I had this thought that maybe we could make a quick trip to the Quilted Bear. I have no decorating sense, and my house just seems bare and empty, so I was hoping for something to just jump out at me. No such luck, the only thing to jump out at me was Dylan, from under a display table which almost toppled over. So, after rather unpleasant altercation with another shopper, and about 7 minutes, we were back in the truck and headed to Costco.

I should have known it would be a nightmare, on the day before Mother's Day, but we needed pull-ups and flowers. In the first 3 minutes, Dawson had reached the limit for the amount of times I will say, "Don't touch your brother." which is approximately 5 times. He ended up walking along side the cart and whining until we came into view of the sample tables. This quite possibly saved his poor little life, as he was able to keep busy getting samples for everyone.

After Costco, I called my Gram and told her to think about where she wanted to go dinner for M. Day. Without hesitating, she told me Canton City was her choice. I could feel the last real hope of a Mother's Day celebration fading. I am a Chinese food snob. I really only like Szechwan in P.C. and I wouldn't have made my Gram go to Don Pedro's, but nasty Canton City? I called Dave, and asked him if he wanted the bad news, or the worse news first, and then I informed him that I was leaving all the children in Pioneer Park for the weekend, AND we had to go to Canton City for dinner. He was bummed.

I was able to find a babysitter, so I ended up bringing the chitlin's home with me. After tossing our cell phone numbers at her, we sprinted for the car, before she could change her mind. When we got to Gram's, I curled her hair and we gossiped about who had died, and the latest shenanigans going down at the Senior's center. Dave ran up to the cemetery to put some flowers on his Mother's grave, and made it back just as we were finishing.

To my great surprise, we had a delicious dinner at Canton City. It was great to spend some time with my Gram, she really means a lot to me. The night was pretty much awesome, and then the fortune cookies came. I cracked my cookie and then stuffed it in my mouth while I read the fortune, 'You must put more effort into your exercise routine' Oh, Hay-ell No! Dave laughed as he read his, 'Be kind to yourself, eat dessert 3 times a week.' I know ours were totally mixed up, all the same I did my usual routine after we have a huge dinner. I made Dave take a picture of me taking a big bite, and then I texted it to Shauna (my exercise coach). Even the Chinese are on her side.

When we got home, the kids were ready for bed, and they were so sweet and clean, and tired, and I was so glad I didn't leave them in the park.

Time Saving Kitchen Tip #71

It may seem like a good idea to put your refried beans in a sandwich baggie and just snip the tip. You know, for equal distribution and professional looking nachos. It also might ruin your dinner. Nachos anyone?

"Break the wrist, walk away."

This morning I rolled out of bed totally pumped for another mandatory class at the hospital, especially one as fun as CPI. It is a good thing I only work 2 shifts a week, since it feels like full time with all the extra classes and certifications, and "projects" and committees we are expected to do.

CPI is Crisis....Prevention....Institute, maybe? In short it is a class where we learn how to escape from psychotic patients that might have us in a choke hold, head lock, or my personal favorite, the "biters." It is like self-defense where you don't retaliate or harm the patient while getting away.

I called my mom on the way down the hill, and when I explained the class I was going to, she said, "Are you the only one that has to take it?" Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mother, but it is even mandatory for my sweet co-workers, who don't enjoy a good fist fight.

My friend Nikki, that was teaching had a family emergency, so we got the Reader's Digest version, which was okay with me. After practicing some moves that made me feel more like I was trying out for the drill team, I was able to break out of a 1 AND 2 handed hair pull, strangulation, a forearm bite, and some other attacks. Nikki reminded us constantly that our license was at stake, if we retaliate. Seriously, I dare my next tweeker to bite me, or anyone for that matter, and see how calm I am when I am holding their eyeballs.

Class got out almost 4 hours early and the kids were super stoked to see me. After naps, Dawson was quizzing me on what I had learned today, and since he is having a problem with a biter at the bus stop, I thought I would pass on my knowledge. I got down on my knees and told him to punch me. He looked at Dave, and Dave just rolled his eyes, so Daws turned around and punched me right in the shoulder. It stung pretty good. I said, "No hit me with your other hand, and do it SLOW!" He punched me again with the other hand, much slower and I still didn't block it. Then he said, "When do we get to the biting part."

I feel totally ripped off. All those skills I learned, and I can't even block a 5-year-olds punch that I am anticipating?! I can't wait until my next meth freak comes off the gurney at me. I will totally school them, or at least practice for awhile and then ask Dawson for a re-match.

What Can't You Compare To A Short Bus?

This morning, I vacuumed my house! Yay! The Kirby Vacuum people stopped by my house for a demonstration a couple weeks ago, (Dave let them in, and I kicked them out) and vacuumed, AND shampooed my great room and stairs. I have let it go since then, secretly hoping they were still in the area and could demonstrate their super vacuum in my bedrooms as well. No such luck, and as Dave tells it, he doubts they would show their faces around here again, after I kindly asked them to get the hell out.

I promised the kids a picnic at the park, and since Dave was around, he was able to meet us for lunch. It is always nice to snuggle him in the middle of the day, and we had a great time watching the kids entertain themselves at the park. I must say it is so nice not to have baby babies anymore.

After lunch, I MapQuested us some directions for the Dinosaur Park in Ogden. I had to take Dawson out of school 20 minutes early, which I have done a couple of times this spring when I get the warm weather bug. He was irritated, but got over it pretty quickly when I told him where we were going.

I told the boys that it didn't look to far away, probably an hour, just outside the mouth of the canyon. By the time we were passing McKay Dee, and Weber State, Dawson piped up in the back, "APPARENTLY, not just outside the canyon." I told him that little boys should not say, apparently, and then I felt reassured about taking him out of school. If he can use apparently, correctly in a sentence, it should be okay if he misses the last few minutes of Kindergarten.

The Dinosaur Park was really fun. I ended up buying a season pass, so we could go back. My favorite part was the animated screens that show each dinosaur next to a short bus, to give you a size comparison. It probably says a lot about my maturity level, that I even think that is funny. Nicole, thought it was equally hysterical, and raised the ante by taking a picture of the huge piece of petrified dinosaur crap......Some people, sheesh!

We played for a couple of hours, and the kids were sad to go. We made it home just in time for me to drop the ornery little guys off to Dave, and pick up Brittany for a little dinner date at Baja. I am so glad to have a friend that I can go to dinner with, and even though she just lives up the street, the waitress still has to come back 3 or 4 times to see if we have even picked up our menus. We laughed and ate, my two favorite things. Today was a great day.