"Break the wrist, walk away."

This morning I rolled out of bed totally pumped for another mandatory class at the hospital, especially one as fun as CPI. It is a good thing I only work 2 shifts a week, since it feels like full time with all the extra classes and certifications, and "projects" and committees we are expected to do.

CPI is Crisis....Prevention....Institute, maybe? In short it is a class where we learn how to escape from psychotic patients that might have us in a choke hold, head lock, or my personal favorite, the "biters." It is like self-defense where you don't retaliate or harm the patient while getting away.

I called my mom on the way down the hill, and when I explained the class I was going to, she said, "Are you the only one that has to take it?" Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mother, but it is even mandatory for my sweet co-workers, who don't enjoy a good fist fight.

My friend Nikki, that was teaching had a family emergency, so we got the Reader's Digest version, which was okay with me. After practicing some moves that made me feel more like I was trying out for the drill team, I was able to break out of a 1 AND 2 handed hair pull, strangulation, a forearm bite, and some other attacks. Nikki reminded us constantly that our license was at stake, if we retaliate. Seriously, I dare my next tweeker to bite me, or anyone for that matter, and see how calm I am when I am holding their eyeballs.

Class got out almost 4 hours early and the kids were super stoked to see me. After naps, Dawson was quizzing me on what I had learned today, and since he is having a problem with a biter at the bus stop, I thought I would pass on my knowledge. I got down on my knees and told him to punch me. He looked at Dave, and Dave just rolled his eyes, so Daws turned around and punched me right in the shoulder. It stung pretty good. I said, "No hit me with your other hand, and do it SLOW!" He punched me again with the other hand, much slower and I still didn't block it. Then he said, "When do we get to the biting part."

I feel totally ripped off. All those skills I learned, and I can't even block a 5-year-olds punch that I am anticipating?! I can't wait until my next meth freak comes off the gurney at me. I will totally school them, or at least practice for awhile and then ask Dawson for a re-match.