Top 3 Things You Don't Want Your Kids To Holler At You While Playing Softball

#1-"MOM, DYLAN IS PEEING BEHIND THE TREE INSTEAD OF THE BATHROOM!"

#2-"MOM, EMMA KEEPS LICKING THIS BIG ROCK!"

#3-"MOM, DYLAN IS DONE PEEING AND WON'T PULL HIS PANTS UP!"

Seriously, there are only a few things that remind me of my youthful carefree kid days, and playing softball on summer nights is one of them. Unless of course, the Hoodlums tag along.

Dave went to a wedding tonight, so Emma and the Boyz came along to my softball game. Being the super paranoid Mutha that I am, I gave them strict parameters of where they could play. I stationed them right behind Home Base where I could see them and know what they were doing. I soon realized, they were way to close. The first time I got up to bat, the Boyz went nuts heckling me. "Hey Batta, Batta!" and some stuff about my legs that I believe is reserved for pitchers, but they thought it applied to me as well.

I had to relax the parameters a bit so that I wasn't tempted to holler threats about the ripping of limbs and the like. I allowed them to wander in the fields next to first base so that I could still see their heads running around. Emma opted to stay in the bleachers with some enormous rock that she had found, and licked it straight through the game. Maybe I need to increase something in her diet. The Boyz quickly united with their friends and I would like to say, 'who knows what went down', but I have Dawson to holler updates to me throughout the game, as noted above.

Dave was home by the time we played our second game, but by then my attention span was shot. My first ups,I struck out, swinging hard enough to pull something in my shoulder, dropped the F-bomb, and then watched a nine-months pregnant chick hit a home run, and make it around the bases in the same time it takes me to get to first. There is just something about those farm girls.

At last the umpire ended our misery and called the game on the 10 run rule. I went home, snuggled Dave and told him how sucktacular I was. He knows just how to cheer me up, we ended the night with some Double Stuff Oreos, Crystal Light and an episode of Reno 911!